My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
