i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
