how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
