ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
