I think my vagina is haunted
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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