Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
