I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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