you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
