My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
