Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
