If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
