the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
