Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
