I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
