I think I won the penis lottery.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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