sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize