I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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