Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
3pm strippers are depressing
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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