he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
