i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i dont even know how to be here
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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