TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's shark week go big or go home
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
