Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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