I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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