We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize