A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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