My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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