Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
