it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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