You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
