do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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