was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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