Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I want to have your abortion
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
