this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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