I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
