So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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