Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize