dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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