Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Welp...herpes.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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