You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
