Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
