New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
