jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
