im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
