We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
