Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
