the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize