So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
