YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
