I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
