I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
