I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
