He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
