grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize