I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
babies were throwing up all over the place
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
