I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
