You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
