Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
