I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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