sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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