its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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