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Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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