So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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