i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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