your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
