Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize