Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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