This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
