I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
