I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize