Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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