singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I checked into jail on foursquare
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
