If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
